I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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