party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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