Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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