I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
