Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
