Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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