Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
