Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
