The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
