Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
