We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
