Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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