So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
