Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
