so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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