I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
