did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
