just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
