new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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