In the future we'll all be gay
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
