So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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