After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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