you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
