My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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