There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
accomplished twins. life is a go
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
