Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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