You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
