The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
