Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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