i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
