I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
