I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
