Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
