I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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