I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
