you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
