im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
