I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
