Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
