do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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