i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
