she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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