My friends, they love my intelligence
Girls should come with a carfax report
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
