I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
