Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
