Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
