grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you would pick up someone in the library
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
