I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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