Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my poor anus
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
