Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
