do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
