My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
